Chapter 1

I didn’t know how many years had passed since I lived again. I didn’t know how long my old body stayed buried in the snow, preserved. I didn’t know how long my soul stayed in the sanctuary we call Shadowfield. I only remembered white light from my time there, and I remembered being extremely happy.

Now that I’m alive, I was not quite sure how to handle things. As a child, my memories had not fully surfaced: surely, this must be a sign of weakness. Others say that this was normal for average Drinkers, but I wasn’t average: I have lived many times before, and this lifetime had been the first in which I have not regained my memories before the age of 10. I have recently acquired them, though, and as Elizabeth, I am relived. If I hadn’t regained my old self, I would have to remain a pathetic Drinker whose soul never returned. I shivered at the thought. I remembered, though, how the first vibrant memory rippled through me one unfaithful day when I crossed the street.

I shivered, thanking my blazer for the first time. If it not had been for the many layers of our winter uniform, I would have frozen to death. I still remembered how cold it was when I last saw Jayce. I missed him so, ever since our last encounter in France during my previous lifetime. I would never forget that.

My phone vibrated strongly in my pocket, and I was shocked to death. Reminiscing made me forget about reality. I tugged it out, angry for a moment, but relived the second I saw who was calling. And to think that I had expected the past to stay as it was! My past was part of what humans now call “history”. Humans were such ignorant fools.

“Yo.” I said, walking briskly past students, not paying attention to anyone or anything. A guy came up to me as I sat down on our group’s bench outside the gate, but I waved him away. My friends came flocking to me like birds to their seeds. I laughed mentally at this. I motioned for them to stay silent, and they did. For such a small group of nine or so students, we made a lot of noise most of the time that we were together. I enjoyed watching how they wasted their short, pathetic lives on going up that worthless thing they call the “high school social ladder”.

“Change your line, will you, Leah?” Eris said over the phone. I could hear loud music in the background, and instantly knew that she was in her car. I looked around: no one at the corner yet. Maybe she was at a stoplight somewhere. “Well, whatever. Where are you?”

“I’m already in school,” I said, my tone a little dead, sounding as if it was something I wasn’t happy about. It was, but I was only interested in the amusing how the students act around here, as if there was some higher power that controlled the less-popular students. “Can you go a little faster, or are you just slow?”

I heard her scoff in the background. Now (finally), her BMW came into view. “Slow? SLOW?! I’m slow?”

I was laughing. This laughter wasn’t one that I used in the different formal get-togethers I’ve been to in the past, used for fake mirth. This was the laughter for pure amusement…a true and honest laugh. This life has taught me how to laugh just so, and I feel grateful for that.

Eris parked her car next to my Cadillac CTS-V, as always. I sighed, letting out a small puff of air. I scowled at this, because I’ve always hated the cold ever since that night I died with Jayce. She got out of the car with style, flipping her long, bronze hair that glimmered under the sunlight. Her usually hazel eyes were covered by ridiculously dark sunglasses which, in turn, were half-covered by her bangs. She stepped out of her car delicately, and then hung her blazer over her right shoulder. Her bag was already slung on the same shoulder. She locked her car and sauntered over to us; the boys she passed seemed to either wither or die when she gave them a glance. Just like always.

Sometimes envied her for her looks. I, in my part, was not really someone who cared about such trivial things. When I look into a mirror, for example, I rarely criticise the way my long, dark hair flowed down past my shoulders and ended with soft, dainty curls. I didn’t really notice my eyes, shadowed by those curled bangs that seemed to always get in the way, covering my dark blue eyes ever-so-slightly. I didn’t really care about how Eris’ and Megan’s bra sizes were WAY bigger than mine, not to mention the fact that they had über-sexy bodies, while I was plain old me. I personally thought that my legs were my only assets, but others said the opposite. Still, though…

She sat next to me, not taking her shades off. I laughed as she blew a kiss to a random (and cute) guy. He smiled back. I laughed at him: so pathetic.

“You’re an evil person, Eris.” I said as I observed the guy’s girlfriend turn red with irritation at her boyfriend’s stupidity. I mean, duh, he could’ve picked a prettier girlfriend. ‘Nough said.

“What?” she asked innocently as we observed Megan’s Porsche---a car I envied her for---speed right next to Eris’ car. Eris and I noticed how Megan looked: a scrunchie was very unusual for her. We all knew that she hated scrunchies. She didn’t like to tie her strawberry blonde hair, nor did she like to cover her brilliant black eyes that seemed like endless tunnels. She liked to show off her smooth, fair skin though. Of course, she couldn’t do that in school since it was against the rules, but outside…

She strutted her way over to us like the model she was. I wanted to laugh again, and I didn’t know why. As the young ‘uns say, I’m “high”. I chuckled as Eris and Megan started their usual banter. This time, it started with clothes.

“I really think that this school shouldn’t have such lame uniforms.” Megan complained, tugging at her skirt so that it hitched up slightly, but not to her liking, as it only showed more of the almost-black stockings. “The school needs a fashion department, for God’s sake!”

“Megan, this uniform is better than others.” Eris retorted, crossing her arms in front of her large chest. Honestly. Their bra sizes were just about twice as big as mine (even though I admit that mine had a good enough size…and besides, I don’t even know why I’m concerned with this.). “Look at the ones in public schools! They look like nuns. NUNS!”

We all laughed heartily.

“Nuns! Imagine Megan as a nun!” Rayne exclaimed, imitating Megan. We all laughed until our sides burst. I felt as if I could literally roll on the ground. I was clutching at my sides. “Ha ha! My stomach hurts!”

We laughed again.

Suddenly, Rayne stopped.

She was sitting beside Eris, and she was looking at something. No, scratch that. She was staring. That was odd: Rayne was the one brimming with pride. She never stared at anyone. Ever.

We all looked to where she was looking at: there were loud, growling sounds coming from around the corner. Suddenly, a black, expensive-looking bike sped into view. The rider was female. It was evident, because under her helmet, her past-shoulder, layered black hair was whipping behind her. Her face was covered in a full-face tinted helmet, so none of us recognised her. She wore this black motorcycle-riding outfit thing that accented her toned body. She rounded the corner so sharply that her knee almost scraped the ground. She hitched the front of her bike upwards, obviously showing-off, then parked right in front of us. She put her foot down and killed the engine.

I could almost hear her sigh as she locked her bike.

She took off all her knee pads, elbow pads and whatever it was she wore when she rode the bike. She even took off her pants and her jacket; we all literally thought she was stripping.

Oh God, I thought.

Then, we saw her green sweater, and immediately found out the thing that we all dreaded most.

She was the new girl: the girl that enrolled halfway into the second sem…in senior year, of all times! I expected her to be with two more transferees. Word got out that she and her companions were going to be popular. I didn’t know it was like this. By the look of her, and her alone, I could tell that she would become famous the second she stepped inside the school grounds.

She opened the hatch under her seat and took out her bag after putting her gear inside. Then, she took out proper school shoes and put them on. Her feet were simply perfect. She sighed and took off her helmet. Oh holy J.C, she would be Eris’ and Megan’s target, for sure. They would kill for her looks. She was so pretty that I could label her as “otherworldly”.

It wasn’t just that, though. As a Dark Drinker---a creature who feeds on souls---I could literally see her dark, black soul underneath her brilliant spring green eyes, flecked with silver at the edges of the iris. She messed her hair with her hands, but she looked so pretty her hair doesn’t matter anymore. She cocked her hip to one side as she tucked her helmet under her arm while she slung her bag over the other. Honestly, how flirtatious can you get? Every person with testosterones was staring intimately at her.

She turned her head to the side, her hair following the direction of her head. Then, we heard it: two more rumbling sounds. She seemed to listen intently, not even noticing us in front of her, then…

A red blur followed a black one. I felt as if my breath was caught in my throat. I didn’t even see it coming: the black Ferrari Enzo and red GTB Fiorano. It was as if they burned the road. Their cars drifted right after the other behind the girl’s bike. Their doors opened slowly, and they shut them as in the same teasing manner, their backs turned all the while. From the back, the red Ferrari’s driver was blonde; the other had blonde-streaked ebony hair.

Then, they both turned, and I could tell that we all tried to hold back a gasp.

They were so incredible, heart-stopping, mind-numbing, god-like teenagers. They looked almost alike. They had the same posture, the same faces. Their long, lean arms were muscled. Their hands were stuffed in their pockets, and they leaned only slightly in directions that set them apart. They walked over to the girl with overflowing confidence. She chuckled at them.

“Slow much?” she said with a slight laugh. She had a very heavy American accent. They both grinned. Their eyes lit up: the blonde’s blue eyes caught my eye. The colour of sky blue endeared me so. Instantly, he looked at me, as if reacting to my very emotions.

“Jez, where are your manners?” he snapped as he made his way towards me. Now this guy…he sounded Brit. He knelt on one knee and took my hand. My heart went into overdrive. Why was I feeling like this? Surely, this boy was different from the other boys I’ve met and “hooked-up” with. His sky blue eyes stared earnestly into mine. He kissed my hand, and I almost felt him inhale the smell of my skin. “I’m Dylan Night, miss. I hope that this won’t be the last time we’ll see each other…because I really do like you.”

Without being able to stop themselves, my friends swooned. I would have, but I was too paralysed…too shocked because of how straightforward he was. It wasn’t just because I was flattered by this; it was because of his soul. Just by touching people, I could taste their souls, and this one tasted so…sweet. It was so innocent. I bit my tongue. I would have licked my lips on any other day. I gulped.

“I didn’t even notice them.” She grumbled. She held out her hand. “Jez Night. Nice to meet you.”

Dylan held my hand in his for a second longer, but he released it as he got up on his own two feet. I held out a shaky hand to Jez, and the moment I made contact, I almost gagged with how much darkness was in her. Her soul was so dark, but I knew there was something hidden beneath that…

She took her hand away, as if electrified, and I gave her an innocent look. Inside, I was panicking. Should I not have explored farther into her soul than I should? Should I have not risked discovery? After all, I’ve managed to evade the Hunters for the past, oh, 300 years or so. Was she one of them? The other boy---who was so handsome, in fact, that my heartbeat thrummed in my ears just by looking at him---smiled at me. I was at loss for words now.

He looked familiar. Too familiar. Nostalgia slammed into me in the form of a colossal headache. He looked too much like Jayce…but I never knew I would see his face here. I almost cried. It’s been over 100 years since I last saw him, and I almost thought that he wouldn’t be reincarnated ever again.

“Ryan Night,” he said, holding out a hand. He sounded American as well. I shook it, and tasted his equally dark soul. This time, I didn’t want to venture farther than that, even if I knew there was something else hidden underneath that darkness as well. “I’m Jez’s twin, and Dylan’s half-brother. We’re all in senior year.”

“Oh,” I managed to say. It was a tremendous effort to do so, because I felt as if all words in my vocabulary refused to be said. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Every time Jayce got reincarnated, he took the name Jayce, and always remembered me WAY before we met. What’s up with the ‘I’m this cool dude named Ryan’ charade? Why is he refusing to recognise me? There wasn’t even a trace of recognition in his eyes, for God’s sake! It wasn’t even on his soul! Had I been expecting too much?

Was it so wrong to expect even the smallest things that make the biggest differences?

“I guess we should get going now.” He said as he started to walk away with his sister, his arm over her shoulders. He and his half-brother towered above her and me. I knew that I was taller than her though, but they were really tall. “I guess we’ll see you guys later.”

Even after they left, a million words were in my head, and yet I cannot say them.

Why did the two of them taste so…dark? It had almost choked me; I have not tasted evil souls since my life during the 1700s, when I had been a fighter. All those years seemed to disappear as I tasted theirs. It was the worst I had tasted, but still…I couldn’t help but want it, along with Dylan’s as well. They were wonderful souls: I’m sure their souls can sustain me for more than a few centuries. They were so strong…more vibrant and more tasty than all the others combined.

“Oh effin’ J.C.” Megan finally blurted out as Rayne and the others walked away, chattering, until only the three of us were left. It snapped me out of my dreadful thoughts. “I will kill for her looks.”

“I call dibs on Ryan!” Eris shouted out, shooting up, suddenly full of vigour and energy. She slid her shades on the top of her head.

“Come on, guys.” I complained as I got up as well, my ass feeling sore and numb for sitting too long. “We’re in Year 12. My birthday’s in a week. Can we stay away from boys, just this once?”

I walked away, and they followed.

“Leah…” Eris whined. “Boys are slinkies---you know, useless---but they’re really fun to watch when they fall down the stairs, aren’t they?”

Oh yes, I could clearly remember last year, and the year before that, and way back into fifth grade, when I recovered my memories. In total from fifth grade until last week: 29 boyfriends…and counting. Eris had---as far as I knew---37, while Megan had about 35. We all broke up with our boyfriends on the same day last week. The three of us were betting on who would get the most boyfriends by the end of our high school lives. My lack of relationships was mainly due to my decreasing interest in the opposite sex.

But that doesn’t mean I’m turning into a lesbo, okay?! I mean, lesbians are, like, ew.

Megan nodded in agreement.

“Oh, and you remember Nathan?” Eris said, her tone acidic as she mentioned our ex-boyfriend. He was the guy that almost tore our friendship apart. The once-amazing guy who seduced Eris after breaking up with me when we were in Year 7, and had been Megan’s ex-boyfriend just last year. We all shivered in disgust. We all hated him forever, so we were never were found in the same place where he was.

Never.

“Leah, I almost forgot.” Megan said as she stopped in front of her locker and knelt to open it. She threw her bag inside. “Did you do your homework in our first period Maths?”

My heart sank, and Eris gaped. We all took the same classes together, and Megan was probably the most responsible one in the lot. I gaped as well.

“Homework?” we said in unison. “What homework?”

“Oh God, Ms. Greene’s going to kill you.” Megan said, an amused tone in her voice. I glared at her as we made our way to my locker and Eris’. “The 50-item homework last week, remember? It was due today.”

I put my bag inside just as Eris put hers in. I stopped, my fingers barely touching the book.

“50 items?” Eris said, in the same state as I was. Then, we panicked. “Holy hell, Megan, you need to let us copy your homework! Goddamn, this is so effin’---!”

“Calm down, Eris.” Megan said as she led the three of us to Building N, where the dreadful math class was held. The silver-plated N2 glared at us. There was no one inside yet, so that must mean we had ample time to do homework. We practically overwhelmed Megan just so she could let us copy. Our hands were like tornadoes.

Just another day in my life.

******************************************************************

A vein twitched in my brow. I scowled, and so did Eris. We sent death glares in Megan’s smug direction. She was laughing at us. The homework, we discovered, was not due today and Megan didn’t even do her homework, for God’s sakes! I hate her. Hate, hate, hate…

I would kill her if my patience wasn’t so big today.

Eris was probably thinking the same things…roughly so, I guess.

I am absolutely pissed off. She made us panic, goddamn it! She scared us to death! The thing that scares all of us is when Ms. Greene is pissed. So, in summary, we all turn into freakin’ angels in her class. Actually, she says that we’re the most disciplined. I could tell: most of the time we could practically hear her shout from across the school when we weren’t in her class.

“Let me get this straight.” Eris said, her tone murderous as the sub teacher dismissed us. “You said that we had homework when we didn’t. We panicked. You did not let us copy your homework. There was no effin’ homework in the first place. Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you.”

Megan and I laughed, and Eris’ lips twitched: she was on the verge of laughing as well. I knew this was going to be a good day. It just had to be.

****************************************

English and Latin passed on quite well. At least, that was my point of view. Eris and Megan got continuously caught for sleeping. I mean, who could blame them? They were always staying up late for their boyfriends. I mean, did the teachers not go through the normal stage we call being teenagers? Didn’t they have boyfriends and girlfriends, for God’s sake? Sadly, I don’t have a boyfriend yet. I sighed mentally at this. I knew that I should really start increasing my chances of having another boyfriend by, oh, being social once again. I really haven’t talked to anyone I didn’t know in so much time that I almost forgot how to socialise. My hope for a new boyfriend plummeted.

All was going well until the start of lunch break.

Suddenly, the girl with the dark soul from this morning was walking towards us, her arm interlocked around her brother’s. I, in my part, was suddenly jealous, even if I knew this was just the way Jez showed her affection for her brother. They both suddenly broke into laughs. It was so hard to imagine that such people could have so much darkness hidden inside them. Dylan was flanking Jez’s other side, barely speaking, looking as if he didn’t belong.

But he did. He belonged with the two of them: he was as beautiful and god-like. He looked at me, and smiled, his lips stretching into a wide grin. He winked at me before continuing to walk with the other two past our spot. Jez shot me a look that either said “what the hell” or “f**k-you”. I honestly didn’t know what that girl’s problem was.

“What a bitch.” Eris murmured as we made our way to our lockers. I opened mine, eager to get Latin over and done with and move on to lunch break, but a note was taped to my locker door. I sighed as Eris peered over my shoulder, and hand shooting out and grabbing it. I made no effort to stop her: I didn’t care anyway. It was just another suitor who---

“Wow.” She breathed as she handed me the piece of paper. “One of your ex’s can’t let you go, can they?”

I didn’t say anything as I opened the note. It read, in neat, cursive handwriting:

Agnsco Veteris Vestigia Flammae

“Well, whatever. I’m going to lunch. Meet me in our spot later, alright?” she said, walking away before I could say a word. All I could do was to stare at the note. I knew what it meant: I recognise the traces of an old flame. But what did it mean? Maybe “flame” meant “love”…I don’t really know!

I remembered this from Latin class, and I laughed. Another ex-boyfriend note? Well, they must have gotten tired of saying lies and labelling them as “blackmail”. Maybe Nathan put it here…? No, that couldn’t be. Even if he said to me that I was the one he really liked and that he did all the things he did just to make me get back together with him, I knew that he hated me. He just had to.

Nathan was, after all, my first real love. All the others had been simple, stupid flings. My relationship with Nathan had gone farther than kissing. But don’t get the wrong idea, okay? I’m still a virgin, but I don’t even want to venture to that part of my life anymore. I did things I didn’t want to do, like vandalising school property or going to unbelievably wild concerts. I said things I never really meant. I went to places I didn’t usually go to. I really hope he wasn’t the one who wrote this…especially since it looked so much like his handwriting.

Then, as I opened my locker, I saw it: the flash of red and black weaving in and out of the crowd, heading towards me. I slowed my actions. Eris had already left with Megan, being the impatient person she is. Oh, I would kill them for this. Somehow, I knew that red and black streak of hair was coming for me. I knew it by heart. His tall form slumped onto the closed locker next to mine. I closed my locker door, and there he was, in his usual laid-back posture.

“Hey.” He greeted. My heart skipped a beat, no matter how much I didn’t want it to. It hurt so much to see him again. Like before, I wanted to cry so much. Instead, I glared at him, and then walked past.

“What are you doing, Nathan?” I asked, trying to get out of his sight, but he still wouldn’t get off of my trail. “Stop following me.”

Instead, he took hold of my wrist. He began dragging me somewhere else. We went against the current of the crowd then went to that spot where no security cameras were. It was near the house flags, at the side of the M building. He pinned my wrists to the wall. My heart thumped painfully again. This was all too fast…all too shockingly nostalgic. This was what he did the day we hooked-up for the first time…the day when we both knew that we really loved each other, after all.

“I can’t.” he said, so unbelievably gorgeous as always, his red-streaked ebony hair perfectly contrasting his dark eyes that seemed to suck everything in and never give anything out. His long, lean, muscled arms were only half outstretched, and they dropped, releasing me. I knew I should run, but it would be better to deal with these kinds of things now than to deal with them later. His broad shoulders were relaxed now, and he smiled only slightly. I knew that smile so well: it was half playful…and part seductive, with a hint of darkness. His skin was Czechoslovakian fair, and his face chiselled and perfect. Oh, did I mention that he was irresistible? No? Well, now, I remember how I tried to resist him, but it’s too hard, even now. I couldn’t deny the fact that he was hot and the school’s top jock.

Top dick, more like.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, trying to keep my gaze never averting from his, even if I wanted to. I could never look away from those eyes, despite our relationship, which was tottering dangerously close to mortal enemies. “Nathan, you know that we’re through. Besides, I thought you’d had more girlfriends than you’ve ever had after I broke up with you?”

He flinched, but only slightly. His face turned hard and determined, like when he runs a 250-meter sprint, then wins after. He always wins when he has that look on. “Leah, I know your secret.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he ploughed on. “I don’t want to say where I heard it from, but I know it. I’m not threatening you, love, because I love you.”

“Why did you pull me here again?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “As I recall, I have been pulled by you into this once-sacred and holy place of ours, only to be sabotaged by this thing you call my ‘secret’. Now, you say that you won’t blackmail me. So what’s the deal?”

“I pulled you in here…to do this,” he said, before using his arms to pull me close to him by taking a hold of his waist. I instantly felt the heat start all over again. Then, his lips crashed forcefully onto mine.

I wanted to struggle. I wanted to fight against this will to kiss back. The thing was, I lost. I melted like butter in his kiss. Suddenly, we were making out again. There was this oh-so-painful squeeze in my chest that told me that my heart was breaking. I knew that I could never be with him. After all, he was on the top at my list of ‘Souls I Have Not Fully Devoured’. I have taken a sip from his soul---once or twice, maybe thrice---during times when I really couldn’t resist. As a result, I’ve made him relive the times when his father abuse him. Every time I took a sip, I made him relive those times in his life before he got adopted by his rich parents: the times when his mother and father molested him at his home, how he was forced not to tell anyone else, how he was sold to different people and how those people maltreated him. This was the true reason I broke up with him, and the reason why he was like this.

His soul tasted as sweet as before, luring me into its trap, tasting like sweet candy and a whole lot of delectable meals. I was tempted to take a sip again. I think I sighed in sheer bliss. I wanted to stop so badly, but he and other boys have this effect on me that makes me turn into something in the consistency of jelly whenever they kiss me. His lips parted from mine, and it sent me reeling.

“So…does kissing back mean that we’re together now?”

I don’t know what I did. Maybe it was my attraction to all things forbidden, or my subconscious. Or both. I remembered moving my head up and down feebly. This meant I nodded. Oh, how I hated how I loved him so much that his kisses made me forget everything else.

He smiled, and he seemed to light my world again.

“Good,” he whispered, before proceeding to kiss my neck. His lips sent trails of kisses up my neck, to my jaw, and edging close to my lips. Just as he was about to slam his lips back on mine again, just as I had wanted him to at the time, someone cleared her throat.

I looked over his shoulder to see no other than----cue the drum roll----the new girl. She frowned at us and Nathan---being the naturally good guy he was---smiled apologetically. I mean, really. She couldn’t have picked a better time to interrupt. I scowled my trademark scowl, which was a bit short of letting out a small hiss. She, unlike the others whom I have used it on, seemed to be unaffected by it.

“P.D.A?” she asked. She was with someone, but I could see the top of the blonde-streaked head, so that must mean it was…Ryan. I cocked my head to the side, showing that I did not know what this was. She sighed. “Public Display of Affection, retard. Slow much?”

I almost heard Nathan growl. Now that we were together again, I knew that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me in any way. Of course, he thought that this was offending me. It was, but I knew I shouldn’t waste my time on people like her. At least, that was what my conscience told me. The other, brutal part of me wanted to tear her head off.

“Come on, Leah,” he said instead, brushing past her. She cast me an angry look. Her eyes sent a look that made me feel as if blocks of ice were sliding down my back. I shivered. As soon as we got a good distance away from them, Nathan held my hand. He knew where my two best friends were having lunch. Before I could stop him (or know what we were doing, for that matter), we were right in front of them. I could practically hear Megan’s eyes roll while Eris’ seemed to pop out of their sockets. If I was in her position, I would have had the same reaction. I didn’t want to meet their eyes. Their gazes simply read, crazy. They thought I was crazy for having him back in my life. It wasn’t my fault!

“Is this for real?” Megan asked, her eyes darting to and fro from me to Nathan, holding hands.

“Tell me it isn’t. Just please tell me it isn’t,” Eris said, rubbing her temples with two fingers. She stood up, and then shook her head. “Well, Leah, we’ll talk about this later. Come on, Megan.”

Then, they left Nathan and me alone. Eris’ voice promised death. I was sure that she had been two minutes short of strangling me. My sweet, sexy boyfriend, however, seemed to ignore this fact. He seemed to ignore everyone else, in fact, which kind-of annoyed me.

“Now, let’s get back to your ‘secret’, shall we?” he whispered so dangerously close to my ear that I thought he was going to kiss my neck. I sort-of forgot that issue while we were both busy stuffing our faces with each other. “Who are you, really? What are you?”

A chill spread from the top of my neck down to my back. I cringed. I knew that he would know sooner or later. If I told him…who knows what he could do? Even if he was the perfect boyfriend type, he can be quite dangerous when he gets angry. I’m not yet willing to bet on the chance that he might keep this information secret. Besides, school was too public. Everywhere was so public, in fact, that we could never talk about it anywhere.

“I…” I started to say. I hesitated. No, I wouldn’t tell him. It was too big of a risk. “Sorry, Nathan, not today. I’ll…I’ll tell you some other day, alright?”

He sighed. What would he say? What would he do next? “Okay, yeah. Sure. I can wait.”

I felt really sorry for him. My heart throbbed…it ached to tell him everything that I wanted to tell him way back when. I sighed as well. For this, I need to lighten up his mood, right? I put his hand over my chest, just like he did when he was making me fall in love with him.

“Hear that?” I said as my heart beat wildly with the contact. “That’s my beating heart, Nate. Can you feel it? I know you can. It’s beating for you, Nate.”

“I know,” he said, as he hugged me close. I hugged him tighter. Somehow, I wanted to stay like this forever. Was that so wrong?

Was it so wrong to stay close to the one person I’ve loved?

Was it wrong to feel contented, just like this?